Saturday, September 3, 2011

Love Corner- "You Dont Know What You Want..."

I took that chance. Though I don’t regret talking to you again, I regret not knowing what my purpose for contacting you was. I told myself back in 08’ that never again was I going to get myself involved with a person of the opposite sex and not know the purpose of the relationship. Why? Because you can avoid mixed signals, you can avoid mislabeling of titles and you most importantly you can avoid hurting yourself. So once I started talking to this person again after 2 weeks I started getting very excited, happy and falling for this person all over again. However I didn’t know why…I mean, I thought I was just trying to be a good friend rekindling something that made me feel special. But not only was my so called reasoning or purpose very vague it wasn’t sincere. I played as though all I wanted was friendship when really I wanted more, and if (with time) he wanted to be more I would have said yes…yes a million times over. So what do you do when you have started a new relationship or restarted an old one, but didn’t come prepared with a purpose of the relationship as well as if the purpose was a front?

Decide are you willing to be rejected?: One reason why I don’t speak up and tell that person straight up that I care for him and I want to be more is because I’m afraid that I won’t be accepted as someone who he’ll like “like” that. So instead I rather drop hints and hope for a bread crumb leading to me to how he may feel. Downside: Men in particular stay on Ray Charles mode, (they are blind) they need to be lead or shown right out what you are trying to say or how you feel. So even though you may be wondering what types of feeling you could be feeling, you have to really ask yourself do you want love so much that rejection or possible ending of the relationship may result of you being open and honest about your feelings. Is it really worth it?

Do you remember what “really” happened? : “Girl…I remember when he would do that thing right before we would go out…and I would love it! Meanwhile your friend says, “Really? Cause I thought you said he was kind of mean and didn’t have too many nice things to say about you when you would wear things out in public?”….0_0…Sometimes as humans we tend to after a while, switch things with how things “should have been…or how we wanted them to be” with how things really were. And from that delusion we create feelings of what I call the “good times” syndrome: this syndrome causes a person to feel temporarily happy, lustful and even love. If we really look deep down and think about the truth, the reason why we for example, broke up and or stop talking to that person we can become more objective instead of emotional when speaking to old flames. CAUTION: I’m not saying that we should stay bitter, what I am saying is that when we look back we should realistic look at not just the good times but the bad too. Is her being needy in the past something you forgot? Well now that you remember ask yourself do you want to still try to pursue an intimate relationship or try being just friends?

Lust vs. Love: This is very self-explanatory. When we try to make a new relationship or when we pick up some where we last left off…do we want love: the family and 8 kids, 2 dogs and a nice white fence or a gate ( depending on the neighborhood) or do you want Lust? Lust: a few nights of talking but as soon as you get a chance it’s hands down on and popping, panties are gone and his Lakers jersey is laid across the bath room floor? Sometimes we mix the two and we have a crazy sex session but really expected love. If you made up your mind that you don’t care about being rejected, and that your past isn’t a delusion (things were fairly nice) it’s time to ask do you expect love or lust from this person? And if you think they are willing to give it to you. Whether you believe it not, though men love sex, some men don’t just want sex. So who ever you’re possible friend to lover maybe, understand that if you don’t fall for him hard 1st, it might be him and could you handle the mess you may make if the understanding of expectations are foggy? 

 Bottom-line: understand what you want, but be real and ask yourself some questions before you declare your love for a person who might not be ready or even worth your valuable attention and affection. Knowing why you want something and how it can affect you is just as important if not more as knowing what you want at all. 

 xLauren Taylor